I'm supposed to be on maternity leave, supposed to be meditating and thinking of new ways in which I can warmly, lovingly, wonderfully welcome my child into this world. And yet all I want to do is ... well, something else. I want to keep living my life as I have been, make use of this time to go to museums and the theatre, to the movies, on a run. But when you're this pregnant, even putting on your shoes can be a bit of a challenge.
So here I am, writing in this blog again, revisiting the journey that I thought had moved on from.
Do we ever? Move on, that is.
Of course we change and grow and find new interests and forget about old ones, but deep down, are we not the same person we were at age ten?
I think the jury is still undecided on that.
I read this morning that in order to be interesting, you need to be interested. As a ten-year-old, I remember being very specific about the things I wanted to know more about. That's pretty much still valid.
And what's incredibly exciting and scary is to think that this child I am getting ready to give birth to will be, to a certain extent, someone who has absolutely nothing to do with me. Maybe they'll love geography (shiver), or math (shudder), or economics (shock / horror).
Maybe they'll love hamburgers.
I used to love hamburgers. So people do change, you see?
Whose benefit I am stating this for, I'm not sure...
The funny thing isn't that I'm going crazy on day 2 of sitting at home; the funny thing is that I'm not doing anything all that different from what I normally do: spending my day at the computer, writing, while something is cooking away in the oven. The main change is that I'm not working on work, and I feel that this is not my choice.
Choice. It gives us the illusion that we are in control. It makes us feel that we are making the decisions while really, it is life that steers us, and the only choice we have is whether we will listen.
Am I ranting yet?
The sun is finally out in London and I'm rearing to go... somewhere... anywhere... Watch me waddle away, people.
Ok, I guess this will be my outlet for the next while, so I guess I'm back -- but isn't that The Point of This Being?
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